God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
