i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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