Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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