some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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