he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
