You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
