im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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