i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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