How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Randomize
