i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
