Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
