I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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