she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
