the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Are my feet made of real feet?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
