apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
