This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
