I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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