last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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