onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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