i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
