I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
