I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
