Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
