so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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