OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
