Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
