I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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