k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
