Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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