what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
