I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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