just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize