Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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