Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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