It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I am available for nakedness
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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