I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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