so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
