You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
