its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
