She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
