before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
