Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
