the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
