i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
