I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize