so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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