Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
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