I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
you win again, gameday.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
