Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
