I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
