that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
