Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
