he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
