yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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