Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
