just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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