Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
ok first of all what the fuck
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
