I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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