talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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