he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
There's always time for handjobs
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
