I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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