I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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