More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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