1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
