you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
