Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Drunk is not a location!
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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