Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
did you just send me my own nude
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
