he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
She tied me up with her honor cords...
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Randomize
