Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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