I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
There r osticjed everywhere
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
