It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
